&; Here it is

im 18 , ugh ... what to tell you ?. I wish I could say how amazing things have been since I stopped writting but unfortunately Im not a lier. I never got that job I told you all about, my "amazing boyfriend" turned into the worst experience of my life, my school closed, still dont exactly know how to handle the fact that my dad is gone but all ,in all its been a pretty good year -- yea right .

things have been hard, starting my senior year somewhere else, starting college classes at night , dealing with all this family drama (i.e my sister still hates me, & her impending nuptials have EXPONETIALY worsed the tension) , I've done it already. Ive sunken into the shitty adult world. Reality .. is an enemy. Its been what? 4 days since i've turned 18 & im already burdened. Ah well this is nothing new , I'll be melo-dramtic and call it my plight. I honestly have no clue what to do anymore I just wake up and let my feet take me to wherever I have to go and just remember to keep breathing. I dont think I'm ever fully present & I dont know when I will be again ...but I hope its sometime soon cause this whole emo-kid thing has become way to habitual for my personality ; although some may disagree calling me selfish, pessimistic..depressed & the list goes on. I know my tone is ever so sarcastic and my diction causse you to picture this angsty girl sitting at her computer listening to sad music with loads of black eyeliner on and although that might definitley be the case, this isnt me. This is who i've let myself become.

Which is probably why I havent written in a long time. My words are my reflection and when I dont like what I see ill stop looking. I still dont like the view from here but I figure the only way to change it is to write it.