flashbacksz.

One thinq I absolutely hate about myself .. Is that when somethinq hurts me..I push it aside .. Bury it inside myself try to erase & forget without solvinq.. Which has inturn left me with stomach problemsz.. I spent most of the summer in & out of the hospital.. Tryin to fiqure out wht was wronq .. The cause of it all was clear stress.. At 16.. I bare the brunt of everyones problems w.o havinq to buh I do it diligently becusz ihate seein the plp I love suffer which goes for all of us. Thinqsz have been rly bad for me lately.. I finally.. Told my mom about .. A tramatizinq inncident that happened shortly after my birthday.. It rly changed my world effectd everythinq I'm eatinq .. Loads or nothinq .. I don't sleep.. I have niqhtmare most niqhts flashbacks of wht happened r on constant replay my grades r horrible.. I've been ina daze since the day it happened..nothinq seems to change .. It still happened & I can't change it.. Idk.. Ontop of all this .. I saw an ex today.. & it hurt a lot ..he was kinda with another girl.. Buh wht can I expect I'm gladd he's happy.. He deserves that..buh idk somethinqsz rly wronq with me.. I have idk problemsz..that's normall I suppose..& ill get over all of this again I suppose.. I'm tryin so hard to be brave.. & stronq ..I'm wonderinq when it will pay off.