Possible Spinsterhood..?

In homage to Bridget Jones movies.

*warning ; THIS IS BLOG DOES NOT BELIEVE IN THE DOUBLE STANDARD

F.Y.I single life SUCKS! ; You all are aware of the fact its a new lifestyle i've been trying. I figured it would be empowering and for the most part it really has been. I have this renewed sense of self. Im really comfortable in my own skin; I've been sporting the natural look well aside for my blue contacts but oh well I payed for them there for they are my eyes! Being single also has open my eyes to the options out there. I'm really young and ever since I was 12 I've been in a relationship. There's an art to it and for those of you who do it daily ; YOU ARE PHENOMENAL !

Despite myself I went on a date...with someone younger than me. Stupid I know but he was sweet and if I do decide to commit to someone I want him to be a completely different breed of man then I have previously dated. We met through a mutual friend and hung out twice before we double dated with said friend and her significant other. The date was nice he drove, it was all good ; he paid for everything we took in a movie and followed it up with a little evening stroll through the park. Romantic right, I know. All signs point to a good night kiss. Right!? Yup. So I kissed him before I got out of the car. The Day later he sent me a text asking " So we kissed, that means we're together right.?" to which I replied " No and Im sorry if I gave you the wrong idea but I kissed you because It was a good night and I was leaving ." To which he then replied " damn thats crazy." Now you see I dont know if it was his immaturity speaking but he didn't understand that I kiss does not always mean couple. I then went into how i just got out of a relationship and am not looking for a commitment just yet. Then I decided I shouldn't pursue the possibility of a relationship with him. Mainly because the way he went about discussing the 'kiss' with me being through text message was impersonal and like I said immature which = not for me .

You all must be wondering wait what about bus guy? HA. Let me tell you that went BUST! I laied all the ground work, flirted, held good conversation and all of that. Only to be put into the friend zone. Ridiculous I know. How could he not like me ? Then he told me he liked this other girl, asked her to prom etc. UGH talk about being crushed by a crush. It sucked. I wanted to go to prom with him, I was just as cute ; then I stopped beating myself up about it and declared him STUPID! lol Childish I know but true none the less. So we're friends now and I have to listen to him go on and on about her. "p Woe is me!

Then there was 'A' the possible man whore. He was a good friend of mine before he left my school. He recently got back in contact with me and we started talking. If you're not hip to the slang talking means relationship bound. When I told some of my close friends I was talking to him they said It wasnt a good idea and he only wanted one thing. I chose not to fall back but to feel the situation out for myself. We hung out once and it was nice, all we did was laugh. But for some reason I couldn't get Prince charming off my mind. And apparently he couldn't get his ex off his mind either so we came to the conclusion that we should stay friends which was really relieving ") , he's a really stand up kind of guy and I respect that.

Prince Charming; what can I really say? I do love him stupidly, whole heartedly, call it what you want but you couldn't change it's value. Ever since we split I have random spurs of emotion. It's hard to transition into a life alone when you're used to being a part of something. Things happen and I can think of no one else to call but him but I hold back and collect myself back behind the wall and harness my own strength. I've never known a love like we shared yet. I've decided to talk to him again possibly on a romantic level im not sure yet. The heart wants what it does far be it for me to keep it from that.

For now Im single. I want to have a foundation of my own happiness before I allow someone to add to that. It's no one elses life but my own and I plan on living it my way. I'm learning from my past for my future. This is my life, my happiness and my pursuit of love.