daddy's little girl

I think almost every young girl worships the ground her father walks on. She views him as the ideal man & she alwaysz say when i get older i want to marry a man just like my Daddy. I used to be one of those little girls from birth to the age of lik 13 before i realize how real all the problems were and opened my eyes to the problems i'd been playinq a blind to cause i wanted to believe he was flawless. My father has been an alcoholic all of my life he has diabetes & last year he almost died on a surgery table due to an open heart procedure. As a three year old i could tell u the name of the bartender around the corner from my house. I calld that bar the pepe le pue bar cause someone had painted a mural of him on the wall outside of it. While my mom was at work i remember goin in there alot he'd sit me on the bar & the red headed bartender would bring me cherries while my father drank his fill. I didnt kno of course wht was goin on untill i got alot older & recallin one of the fights my parents had when i was about 6 i told my mother about our little trips to the bar that day. I could hear my mother vaguely "You dont even remember how you used to take her to bar's with u" my father replyd ( he speech was slurred he was highly intoxicated "slope i nebbers sid that" I alwaysz tried to wipe the fights out with the sound of the t.v or the music escape for awhile i use to try and remember the daysz he'd be sober & my parents would do the two step after cleaninq. i loved when they danced even in the bummiest clothes they had this love to be completely envied & when everything was good they were the perfect everythinq. I stopped being navie & realizinq all my hurt he caused the day my mom finally called it quits when i could no longer see him as the perfect man. He could never give the bottle up not even for his family not even for his baby girl i love him yes, but to forgive him now im just not ready yet. I have a life full of memories of hurt of pourin beer bottles down the drain at 7 & 8 yrs old. Me & my sister used to dump them and fill them with water jus to get him mad but he never really realized the difference because wen he got home to drink them he was already at his lowest.
i dont know why im writing this i guess i jus needed to vent but right now im not rdy to forgive or forget & for anyone to rush me or second guess my judgement would be wrong because they hve no idea what ive gone through or the realtionship between me and my father and the history it has .

someone who used to be daddy's little girl